Family quarrels and constant conflicts with her husband: how should a wife behave if her husband is constantly screaming?

When adults marry, they need to understand that in family life controversial situations and quarrels can arise. Without them, the development of a couple is, in principle, unlikely. Different upbringing, different social status, habits formed in childhood and adolescence, approach to raising children, moral values \u200b\u200band outlook on life can become the reasons for serious quarrels and conflicts.

The beginning of quarrels and screams of the husband

Strong feelings that suddenly arise can connect completely different people. But, after a while, in the process living together begins to interfere "one thing, then another." Arise life situationswhere the husband and wife are used to behaving differently. If conflict situations sometimes occur in your family, but you and your spouse hear each other, always find a solution that suits both parties without turning to insults, you do not need to worry - in the dispute (and quarrels) you have every chance of finding the truth. Finding helps maintain a healthy family environment and a supportive family atmosphere.

But if even in a calm conversation the husband shouts at his wife for no apparent reason, behaves too impulsively and even aggressively, his behavior scares and hurts, you should think about whether you need such a relationship?

Rather, are you willing to accept this relationship model? Do you want to keep your family together? If so, how to resist screams and scandals? You may find our tips and tricks helpful.

Why is the husband yelling at his wife? Looking for reasons

If the husband's behavior has changed a lot, he cannot contain himself in conflict situation, constantly screams, breaks down for any reason, try to understand why quarrels begin. To do this, go back to the very beginning, analyze what you said or did before the corresponding reaction followed. Do not blame yourself in any way, here it is important just to find the "grain" from which the quarrel grew.

The reasons for the screams of the husband can be:

  • problems at work;
  • alcohol, drugs, gambling;
  • psychological stress;
  • fading of feelings;
  • low self-esteem;
  • age-related irritability;
  • hereditary scenario.

If your loving and caring spouse suddenly starts screaming, it is possible that something is bothering him. He may have problems at work or financial difficultiesthat he cannot tell you about. The reasons aggressive behavior there may be alcohol or drug use. Gambling addicts, alcoholics and drug addicts (if they cannot get what they need) behave inappropriately, too aggressively, expressing guilt and dissatisfaction on the closest people. If you are sure that all of the above reasons have nothing to do with your situation with your husband, then most likely the roots of your problem today are in the past.

If your husband grew up in a family where screaming was in the order of things, where the father and mother only resolved family conflicts and disputes in this way, he does not even imagine another scenario of behavior. Most often, a man repeats his father's pattern of behavior unconsciously, even if he himself suffered from such a relationship in childhood and promised himself never to behave this way with his family in the future.

The husband constantly shouts: what to do?

If you got inside this "mess", and even firmly mired in a model of relationships where you are a woman who constantly endures her husband's screams, it will not be easy to get out and radically change the situation. Any deviation from your humble behavior will be perceived as rebellion and will cause even more displeasure with your spouse. So that the regular screams of your husband do not lead to more dire consequences, start to act gradually. Below are some guidelines. They are based on constructive work on yourself and your emotions, since you will hardly be able to "remake" your husband, your main key is your personal behavior.

So, to pacify your screaming husband, try:

  • not initiate conflicts;
  • do not focus your husband's attention on everyday trifles and do not "cut" if he (in your opinion) earns little or pays you insufficient attention;
  • do not raise your voice or develop conflict (hold back, even if you have something to say, but you understand the consequences of your "excuses");
  • listen to complaints calmly and with restraint (it is not necessary to immediately rush to do everything point by point, but you cannot ignore this situation);
  • to solve problems in a calm conversation (after the husband calms down to try again to speak out all the accumulated claims. Introductory constructions, like "I understood correctly that ...?", "You said that ...", etc., help carefully continue the thread of the conversation, but do not turn what was said into a claim);
  • do not burden your husband with household chores if he is the only breadwinner and breadwinner and is really tired at work (you do not need to create a scale of his fatigue, just decide once and for all - after work your husband wants to rest at least a little. There is no point in demanding that he take out the trash immediately, "Since he hasn't taken off his shoes yet" or "to quickly wash the dishes" - this will only intensify the emotional background);
  • at home, a tired spouse must wait for cleanliness and a delicious dinner (devastation and hunger obviously will not make him calm and satisfied);
  • praise him, say that you love and hug him more often (perhaps he lacks your attention or he has "dropped out" of family life in the hustle and bustle. Be the initiator of warm relationships, and do not wait for the first steps on his part - you have a family, not competition to conquer each other);
  • analyze every situation, conversation, action that led to a scandal and a quarrel (maybe you missed something and the problem really exists);
  • realize that such relationships are not normal and try to change them into the better side or break;
  • turn to a specialist (a psychological approach can greatly simplify work on relationships, but, unfortunately, it is often difficult to understand what to do alone. Try to go to, perhaps the problem is not only that the husband is constantly screaming, and lurks much deeper ).

Sometimes even very good wives, hostesses and beauties who love their husbands very much can marry a man who is used to resolving conflicts in raised tones, without choosing expressions.

This means that you are a victim in these circumstances. Whatever you do, a spouse who repeats the negative behavior of his father in such circumstances will always have good arguments to bring you to tears and make you guilty.

How to respond to your husband's screams

If all your efforts do not lead to positive results, if your health worsened from constant quarrels and conflicts, if you have children who have to constantly observe the showdown in raised tones between parents, you should think about how to end this relationship. Everything is simple here: if you feel bad and you are sure that nothing will be fixed, why do you endure and wait for something?

Tears, persuasion and even threats will not help. People don't change if they don't want to.

Only an experienced specialist can often save a family where the husband is screaming and the wife is suffering. It can take years to build relationships. Staying in such a relationship due to financial dependence or for some other reason, women suffer silently in such marriages. They do not share their problems at work or friends. Unfortunately, only a very small percentage of women who are constantly yelled at by their husbands, insulting and humiliating, decide to break off the marriage.

Sometimes this decision is made by women who have been married 10 and more years... The main motive may be their depression and lack of mental strength and physical health continue to try to save the marriage.

However, do not miss the possibility that your screaming husband he himself needs support, his screams and breakdowns on you cause him problems. The best solution here would be to find good psychologist to analyze not family, but personal problems of the spouse. It is possible that he is under severe stress due to circumstances that do not concern you in any way.

If you find it difficult to decide to break off relations with your husband, who constantly torments you with screams and scandals, for your own sake, think about your children, about their and their own future. They are doomed to inherit your pattern of behavior and suffer in the same way in family relationships... Therefore, if your husband is constantly shouting at you, and all your attempts to “calm down” him are in vain, understand that he will not change, and then you have to choose: endure and suffer or leave and stop suffering once and for all.

At the same time, the apartment has high-quality repairs, modern technology, stylish toys... And it is not at all clear how, with so much free time, the father of the family manages to earn money for all this. In reality, many mothers from day to day listen to such a song that is pretty boring to them on the phone: Hello, dear! I'm late today. The job is ... No, I'm serious! “Well, here it is again,” you sigh. It's a shame to bathe your baby alone. It's a shame to reheat dinner in the microwave, which I so wanted to serve freshly prepared. What if the husband is at work all the time, what would that mean?

I would be glad to serve

The more busy man your husband, the more he depends on the realities of the modern market. And the realities are as follows: in order for the company to be at least to some extent profitable for its business, so that it does not go bankrupt and continues to provide jobs, it has to keep the required minimum of employees performing maximum duties. This means that almost every employee is forced to work hard “for himself and for that guy.” And even for a few guys. However, forced is the wrong word. Everyone has a choice. There is an alternative. Even as unsightly as to leave tomorrow and stay on the street without a livelihood. Only it is unlikely that it will suit your husband and you. A sad paradox: an irregular worker has become practically the norm. And the higher a person rises on career ladder, the more likely he will have to stay late at work. Even the great military leader Napoleon said about himself that he was “just the first soldier of the empire.” What can we say about a modest sales manager? The future of the company and himself depends on his activity, so he does not have to rest on his laurels. it is necessary to work hard from morning to night.

What advice is there to young mothers whose husbands are making a career?

Do not poison your spouse's soul with undeserved reproaches. Most likely, he himself would be happy to give less time and energy to work. But there is no other way. Take it for granted.

At the same time, sometimes the wife's slipping dissatisfaction can serve as an incentive for changes for the better. Of course, your husband won't get up and leave the board of directors after your angry SMS about a cold dinner. But where it depends on him, he will try not to linger too long.

Remember that “happiness is when you go to work with joy in the morning, and return home with joy in the evening.” And the second half of this happiness depends entirely on you. Meet your husband with news about the achievements of children, delicious dinner and passionate kisses.

Take time to talk. Stay up to date on your husband's business and keep him informed about household matters.

The real master of everything

A slightly different case is when the father of the family has his own business. On the one hand, he is his own master. On the other hand, it is round the clock headache and the most unpredictable work schedule. If sometimes he comes early to pick up his son or daughter from kindergarten, but then he will disappear at work for several weeks in a row, even on weekends. Friends are jealous: the husband is a businessman. And trips to the sea, and a new car, and a paid pediatrician - all these are the real results of my father's hard work. But you hardly see dad himself. You no longer remember the last time the whole family went to visit. All invitations are postponed multiple times due to the busyness of your husband. Why are there guests when you miss him so badly! And the baby sees dad only on the screensaver of your mobile phone... Is it possible to somehow change this situation for the better?

Perhaps you would agree to live on less money, if only your husband was at home more often. However, it is not always possible to conduct business within limited limits without developing or increasing it. Competitors are coming and are about to grab your market share. In this case the best solution - to make the spouse's business a family business. This will give you more points of contact. Be an assistant and a fighting friend to your husband.

At the same time, talk to your husband if he really needs new directions, which he is now actively engaged in. Maybe it will be possible to give up something painlessly. Convince your husband that you are ready to do without a housekeeper and without a new fur coat, postpone the construction of a summer house or buy a new car (if this is really the case). The spouse must be absolutely sure that you and the children love him, regardless of the number of bills and credit cards in his wallet.

Almost a hobby

But what about the one whose husband disappears at work without any benefit to the family? First, think about what drives him? Perhaps this is a calling. Unfortunately, people in many very useful and useful professions sometimes earn little. Be proud of them. In addition, scientists from the University of Pennsylvania recently refuted the myth that workaholics are bad lovers. Their energy is overwhelming! If you want to change the material situation in the family, your efforts will also be required.

Find your husband a part-time job within his specialty.

Look for a decent job for yourself. If not right now, then for the future.

When making complaints to your husband about his low earnings, take a critical look at yourself. There are many successful women these days, but are you one of them?

Mutual understanding between husband and wife is a complex process, a huge work on the part of both. Harmony in the family is achieved with the mutual efforts of both parties, sometimes this process takes years. But, what if one periodically blames the other for something. What if the husband is constantly unhappy? Daily reproaches and accusations. Let's figure it out in more detail.

So the husband constantly finds fault with everything. Either the dinner is cooked tasteless, the money is not clear where it went, then the apartment is not cleaned, the children are unwashed and thousands and thousands of accusations against the wife. He is always dissatisfied with everything, annoyed. First you need to decide what are the reasons for this behavior of a man.

Reasons for dissatisfaction

It's all about character

A possible reason for the eternal grumble of her husband, his character is choleric. Not that he was unhappy with his wife. It's just his usual state. This is the perception of his world. He is quick-tempered, not optimistic, hot, quickly irritated. Conflict nature, intemperance, unbridledness - these are the features characteristic of this type of people. His harsh attacks can hurt others. But he himself cannot control it. He loves to argue, involve others in arguments, and starts them first. It is hardly possible to change such a husband. And, in general, it is impossible to change someone. Unless he himself wants to, for this he will need to try very hard.

A wife who loves such a man must be very strong psychologically. She will try not to pay attention to all the negativity that her husband splashes out. But this is not easy, and it is worth asking the question: "Do I need this?"

Outpouring of anger on loved ones

Another reason a guy might behave this way is because he is venting his frustration and anger at the world to the closest people, at home, to your family, wife and children. This is a weak person with low self-esteem. Often, such people experience panic fears, suspicion, and mistrust. Such a husband often suspects his wife of infidelity, accuses her of wastefulness, does not trust and tries to tightly control all her actions. Any conversations with him do not lead to anything good. Another scandal flares up and the woman's actions again become the fault of all troubles. The main accused is always the wife. How to deal with this situation? Only the qualified help of a specialist will help here. Therapy will help him to look at himself and his behavior in a new way, teach new form communication with the environment.

Could it be the girl?

Do not think that the reasons for the conflicts between husband and wife lie only in the behavior of the man. Perhaps, with his screaming and swearing, he is trying to convey to his wife's consciousness what she does not want to understand and hear. These are a kind of methods for finally taking his point of view into account. A woman should analyze what exactly her beloved is striving for, and maybe there is a way for a mutual solution of all conflicts.

‘’ Pattern Behavior ”

This term means that a man copies the behavior of his own parents when they figured out their relationship. If his father behaved this way, was rude and insulted his mother, then often the son also behaves this way, simply not thinking about the fact that there are peaceful ways to resolve conflicts.

Screaming and discontent is the norm

The worst case scenario is if your partner thinks this behavior is normal. And that nothing needs to be changed. He does not even understand that his aggression and rudeness hurt the woman. It seems to him that the rude statements that he allows himself are nothing more than light criticism, that's all. It is almost impossible to come to an agreement with such a person.

What to do and what to do for a woman

In no case should you be like this behavior of your husband, you should not inflate the conflict and throw wood on the fire. It's best to wait for the man to be in good mood and then try to discuss the matter peacefully. Explain to him that this is unacceptable to you, that it humiliates you and hurts. It is necessary to convey to him the information that you are not going to put up with this, and even more so, to endure it throughout your life. If a man refuses to change, then it is worth asking the question, are you ready to live with it further?

If conversations and clarification of the relationship do not lead to a result, and the situation repeats itself over and over again, then the woman has come to seriously think about whether such a marriage is needed, which causes only pain and suffering? What gives each of the married couples such a life? First of all, is there happiness and meaning to continue being together? In a relationship where one is always trying to be right, and only his opinion is taken into account, the other always suffers. Does a woman need such torment, does it not suppress her as a person? Answers to all these questions will lead a woman to the right decision. Sometimes a divorce is necessary, because building harmony in a relationship is a matter of two. And, if one of the partners is so selfish that he is ready to destroy the family for the sake of his own self-assertion, then it is better for the other not to try to re-educate him, but to start looking for another, more mature partner.

My husband is constantly unhappy and criticizes me. No matter how hard I try, sooner or later he will find something to find fault with and express his displeasure. Either the sugar bowl is dirty, or the glass for toothbrushes ... Well, that's it, for little things. And in a big way - “Who would you be if not for me ?! You would have had none of this, and you would have remained with your worthless education! ".

(From the history of one appeal to a psychologist)

The wife, who is constantly criticized by her husband, gradually begins to doubt herself, her abilities, and her attractiveness. Loss, insecurity, and despair make you cling to every opportunity to get his approval. But no matter what she does, she still does not meet the expectations of her husband. In the future, this blocks the disclosure of her female inner potential, creativity, sexuality. She comes into a dull, apathetic state, which is reflected in her face, and in her gait, and in conversation.

And can such a woman be desirable for a man? To be an inspiration and a muse for him? Most likely, next to such a wife, the husband will become even more displeased with a grouch and critic.

Vicious circle. Is there a way out of it?

Why is my husband constantly dissatisfied and criticizes

System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan reveals the cause-and-effect relationships of such life scenarios, when the husband is constantly dissatisfied and criticizes. Any human behavior is fundamentally related to his desire to get joy and pleasure from life. And the ways and models of behavior with other people are instilled in childhood through education.

The behavior of a husband who is always dissatisfied and criticizes is characteristic of men with an anal vector.

By nature, such a man is endowed with wonderful qualities - to be an ideal husband and father for his children, and even adopted ones. Natural properties and desires in the anal vector create the potential for such a man to be a real master and professional in his field. It is imperative to bring what has been started to the end and to the utmost quality - perfectionism.

But also, by nature, in the properties of the anal vector there is some uncertainty, a desire to consult and get confirmation of the correctness of their actions. During the development of such a boy, his mother helps to overcome his uncertainty, supports, praises for the result obtained. After all, to be good, the best for such a child is a natural desire.

What happens if a mother starts criticizing, expressing her dissatisfaction all the time, rushing and demanding a result, without explaining how best to do it? And also to manipulate love through such phrases: “I don’t love you because you behave badly, study badly, do not that way” etc. There is a resentment against the mother, who in the future will be subconsciously projected onto all women.

Some suppression of the development of the child's mental properties occurs. In an adult man, the accumulated unsatisfied, unfulfilled natural desire in the anal vector creates emptiness - frustration - and leads to bad conditions, which are discarded through criticism and constant discontent (picky about cleanliness in the apartment, to clothes, to behavior, views and even thoughts of another person). Criticism and dissatisfaction become a kind of communication model for such a person.

And if the first relationship of such a man was also unsuccessful (betrayal, betrayal), then he will blame all women and treat them with suspicion. That is, criticism and discontent will be aggravated by the husband's bad experience - and all the bigwigs for the past will fly to his wife.

Who chooses a husband who is constantly dissatisfied and criticizes

Criticism and constant dissatisfaction are far from harmless forms of communication. This is verbal sadism - a special form psychological abuse, which can even cause psychosomatic disorders in women. The behavior of such a husband in an attempt to prove who is the boss in the house can turn from heavy manipulation of offenses to physical violence. Another thing is surprising: some women endure such a husband for years. Why?

To better understand yourself and the people around you, to see the motives of their actions, we invite you to join the cycle of free online lectures "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan.

The article was written using materials from Yuri Burlan's online trainings "System-Vector Psychology"
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Sincere smiles to you, my dears!

Today we will discuss a topic from which people on both sides of the barricade are literally tearing apart. Namely, what to do if a man complains and whines all the time. Read the article to the end, and you will learn a complete arsenal of tricks that will disaccustom anyone to complain, even the most armor-piercing whiners with experience.

Supporting a man in difficult times is a direct woman's responsibility. How to do it correctly, we will definitely discuss it later. Therefore, subscribe at your convenience: in contact with , or, or, so as not to miss the article.

But what if there is no end to whining?

He always hurts his paws, his tail falls off, there is no money or energy, there are only fools and thieves in the government, there is a lot of work, he cut his finger, and so on.

The first side will prove: "A man needs to be supported, rush after him with cakes and borscht, put him to sleep in a warm bed and do everything so that it does not get worse!"

The other side will say: “Yes, the dog is with him! He's a strong man! He'll figure it out himself, but I went to hang out with my friends! "

The first option may help, but not for long. Then the man's whining gets across the throat and you want to hit him in the teeth with a rolling pin, so that he finally stops talking. The second option works better, but with the risk that the man from your indifference will feel unnecessary and alone.

What is the right thing to do? After all, this behavior of a man literally kills him and you.

Why it is impossible to encourage and listen to male whining

✿ A person who whines all the time focuses his attention on the negative aspects of life. This means that these sides will grow by leaps and bounds and poison the life of both of you. There will be no time to focus on goals and objectives, and there will be no strength left. As a result - complete disappointment in everything, drug addiction, alcoholism, infidelity, illness, gambling addiction and other life trash.

✿ Around the whiner, you spend a lot of mental and physical strength to bring him to his senses. As a result, you yourself are left exhausted. And now there are two lazy and sad vegetables lying on the bed, which can do nothing to improve the situation. In the worst case, you are both angry and a fight will add to the problems.

✿ Everything in the family turns upside down: you no longer feel like a weak woman, because now instead of your unstuck man you need to “stop the horses at a gallop” and “enter the burning huts”, save him from all troubles. And he ceases to feel like a man and this makes him even more upset and whine.

✿ You stop respecting and wanting your man. And no wonder, because he just cried into your vest. You turn not into an interesting companion and passionate lover, but into a mother, ready to give the baby a handkerchief at any moment and wipe away the tears. Of course, a man also has the right to be hysterical, but it is best to do this not with his wife and children, otherwise the relationship will end. It is helpful to whine to your therapist or mentor so that the problem can be solved rather than aggravated.

✿ The man stops wanting you. Sexual attraction to mummy - a rare occurrence. And testosterone falls from whining.

✿ If you do not stop the man's habit of "rolling the barrel" on everyone and everything in time, then very soon this barrel will roll on you. You too will be on the blame list if you are not already.

✿ Hearing his complaints, you destroy your nervous system... It becomes easier for him, and for the third night you have not slept in the thoughts: “What if we do not have enough money because of his problems at work? How can we live now? Maybe get a second job? " Problems happen to everyone, and we must provide each other with help and support, but we are not obliged to encourage inaction, self-pity, resentment towards the whole world for injustice and cruelty. All the more so if complaints are a lifestyle. By whining about “no money”, he will ruin not only your mood, but your whole life. But he feels good: he poured the slops on you and he felt better. And now you live with it as you want.

Everything is clear, male whining is evil and only evil, no good. Let's figure out what to do with it.

A man complains and whines - what should NOT be done

Don't confuse the concepts of "pity" and "support"
The easiest way to make a man worthless is to start feeling sorry for him. Tell him: “I don’t really need a car, I’ll go on the subway for a couple of years… Don’t worry and don’t be so worried, poor thing! The main thing is that we are together, and the rest is not important, because you have never succeeded. I saw at once what kind of person I was marrying. " Instead of this monstrous humiliation, it is better to support him: "You are strong, tomorrow you will go and cope with everything, I do not even doubt, because you have always coped well with everything."

Don't give him advice, don't solve the problem for him.
What makes a man strong is overcoming difficulties. If you do this for him, then soon "manhood" will grow between your legs, and his dignity will shrink with horror and grow back.

Do not harness to do everything yourself
Otherwise, in the end, you will be at home and at work, and you will also drag the man to the bathroom and back. If a woman can do everything herself, then the man feels unnecessary, becomes even more depressed and, of course, complains more about his lousy lot. Some men whine trying to shift responsibility for their affairs to others, including their wife. So that his wife could see how difficult it is for him, and take part of his unbearable burden. Yes, more!

Don't try to overtake him in complaints
It sounds like, “Are you in trouble? This is still nonsense, so listen to what I have! " And it started ... Thus, you make two mistakes at once: you support him in whining, and make it clear that his problems are nothing compared to yours. And this is insulting.

Don't throw him tantrums every time
It often happens like this: by complaining, a man is simply trying to get your attention. By rolling a tantrum, you feed him, indulge him in the inability to attract attention to yourself in civilized ways. If his complaints are a way to get at least some attention and participation from you, then your screams are much better for him than nothing.

Don't try to please and be good
Only positive recharge works worse than negative recharge. You train him that if he wants attention and affection, he must whine and be pathetic. He whines, and you wave your fan around him, dance in your underwear and bring food from the kitchen. it the best way to make a tyrant and a loser out of a man, who whines seven days a week and a lunch break. With you, he will eventually become a loser, as a result - he will cheat on you in order to feel like a man.

Do not doubt your choice
Of course, this is very convenient. The situation is just right in order to ask yourself the question - "did you have an atom?" Get a negative answer and pack your bags. But think: if at the beginning of the relationship he was not a whiner, but became so with you, then most likely your fault is enough for this, and it is in your hands to fix everything. If he has always been like this, then often you can also wean. True, it is better with the help of a psychologist.

How to stop a man from complaining - 13 surefire ways

1. Play a weak woman

At the first alarm bells, you need a little acting. First, just channel the conversation in a constructive direction, ask questions: “And what are you going to do about it? What do you think to do? Tell me how you will defeat everyone? " Add that you are sure that he is your hero, a real man, and easily cope with all the difficulties. This will cheer him up. If the situation repeats itself, you can even cry with the words: "I'm so sorry, but I'm just a weak woman and I can't help you." You put yourself weaker than him, and he understands that you better not complain, otherwise you will also console you with all the problems. Compared to the tears of a woman you love, many difficulties are no longer so severe. He will understand that there is no demand from you, you have to think with your own head. As soon as he realizes that you are a fragile woman who needs to be taken care of, and who will not drag everything on herself, he will feel his need and immediately become strong and healthy.

2. Become more attentive to him

If it started recently and does not happen often, then chances are that your man simply does not have enough attention and is trying to attract him in this way. Ignore the complaints, but at other times, when he is not complaining, try to be more attentive to him. Bring coffee to bed, hug and kiss more often, greet him with joy, praise and thank him for all his actions, arrange romantic dates.

3. When you have health complaints, take the initiative.

When your faithful complains about well-being, then strongly send him to a doctor. Ignoring such complaints can end badly. Therefore, there is an ultimatum: either he goes to the doctor, or silently suffers in a Spartan way. If you are not a doctor, you will not be able to diagnose with heavy sighing, and it is useless to complain to you.

4. Listen to complaints about your behavior and work on yourself

If a man complains about some areas of your life with him, for example, sex life or its absence, the food that you cook, the fact that you and your work or children do not devote time to it at all, or, on the contrary, settled at home, got fat and you have nothing to talk about, or it may even be ashamed to appear in public - instead of stupid insults, listen to him and resolutely correct the situation. After all, these are alarming signals for your family and only in your power to change everything. Not sure where to start? ... I will be happy to help and make you a gift - I will conduct the first consultation for free.

5. Ignore him

If he always complains, with or without reason, endlessly and about everything, you can use heavy artillery. "No money" - you are on the phone. "The head of the goat!" - you are for the vacuum cleaner. "There is a crisis in the country!" - you are in urgent shopping. If in response to such actions there is a claim that you are not interested in listening to him at all, calmly answer: “Darling, it’s very interesting for me to listen to you, but it’s much better about something positive. About your goals, successes, dreams, aspirations. Something good is happening in your life. Let's talk about it? "

6. Develop positive reflexes in it

As soon as in the stream of rabble and despair escaping from his mouth, a "ray of light" flashes - something good, positive, you liven up, smile, support him in every way and unequivocally hint that such conversations instill confidence in you. And now he - the best man on the ground! And so whenever he accidentally starts talking about good things. Feel free to exaggerate your interest. If he asks why you are so happy, say: "With your positive conversations, you cheer me up, thank you!" If it turns into negative again, pull yourself down, frown, shut up and use the ignorance method.

7. Abruptly translate the conversation to another topic

But not on everyday life like "Did you pay for the apartment?" Bring the conversation in a positive direction - remind him of your joint goals, dreams, plans, ask about the good. Pay attention to the bright sides of life. If you can't remember positive topics in the course of the conversation, think them over and prepare in advance.

8. Mark your boundaries in conversation

Suitable if he seriously decided that politicians burned by corruption, dangerous bandits, fatal sores and other stories on the topic of “how scary to live” may really be of interest to you. Be very upset, and in a mild form explain to him that such conversations are boring to you, they want to shoot themselves, because you are a weak woman and you cannot influence anything, so you feel helpless. Add that if he is so interested in it, then it is better to discuss such topics with friends, and not with you. Again he starts a similar topic - repeat everything: get very upset and ask him not to tell you about it. After a few repetitions, he will get used to that such topics are not for you.

9. Give him shock therapy

Or rather, a good thrashing. Not every time to be hysterical, but after his next howl to roll one grand scandal. Suitable in cases where he did not complain much before, but recently he has become frequent with whining, other methods do not help and you are already tired of listening to him every time.

Say you're sick and tired of his endless complaints, you fell in love with him strong man, and he is falling apart before our eyes. If something hurts him - let him go to the hospital, there is no money - he will change jobs, and generally he will learn to solve his problems, instead of crying into your skirt.

I know of several cases when this worked, and instantly and forever. Suitable for those whose men are "normal" men, and not guys with a fine mental organization. Such a person will be scared, will close and stop trusting you. This method brings everyone else to life. Only you need to do this only once, and not after each of his lamentations. They listened, listened, accumulated, rushed and told him how tired you were.

10. Stop being a whiner yourself

Read Will Bowen's A World Without Complaints.
Analyze your own behavior - how often do you yourself indulge in despondency? Then, with an unhappy face, tell the man that you have noticed how negative thoughts and complaints are affecting your life. They give up and don't want to do anything.

Ask him to help you. From now on, you will wear a bracelet on your wrist, and every time he catches you on a complaint, you will change the bracelet to your other hand. Tell him what the task is: do not change the bracelet for three weeks, that is, never complain for 21 days in a row, then the bracelet can be removed. You also need to change your bracelet if you hear someone's complaint. He whines - you silently change the bracelet on your other hand, and he sees it.

That is, you just work on yourself, you do not strain him in any way. But it will be difficult for him not to get infected. The trick is that by tracking your complaints, he automatically begins to notice such bad behavior. Paying attention to a problem is halfway to solving it. He may even want to join you in this experiment, but this is not even necessary. After all, the influence of husband and wife on each other is very, very great.

Once I rented an apartment with another girl, each of us had our own room. I put on the bracelet and told her about my personal experiment. How surprised I was when she quickly contracted it! She liked to feel a surge of positive energy, and she, too, stopped complaining in just a few days, which is why she changed beyond recognition. And this is a girl with whom we were not even friends, just roommates! What can we say about a loved one with whom you are firmly connected by brains, hearts and bodies.

11. Stop his attempts to whine about the past and replace them with dreams of a bright future

If you have such a habit, then the next time your loved one unfolds another tirade on the topic “my terrible past”, ask him: “Was there anything good in your past? Let's talk about it! Nothing at all? Then let's enjoy the present, this wonderful moment! We love each other, together we drink tea with delicious cookies in our cozy apartment, and let's dream about how we will do this on the shore of the warm ocean on our next vacation? " So are you in literally reprogram your man to think positively.

12. Make him believe in himself

And this can be done not by consolations, wiping away tears and turning yourself into a "superwoman" who will pull her beloved out of any apocalypse, but with clear words and actions. I started to complain - instead of "we can handle it," say: "You can handle it, I don't even doubt, because you are the best and strongest, that's why I fell in love with you." And then - so that you are blown away! Anywhere: to mom, to the store, on business, to the toilet ...

You are not a dump to take in all this garbage. Taking pity on the unfortunate squishy is not your support. Better make it clear that he can handle everything and he will cope with everything, because he always coped - this is the best support for a man. Because every problem is in your living together is a great occasion for him to prove what a hero he is.

13. Give him real impact.

Often a man complains that money is given hard, but there is no return, and in general it is not clear why all this is needed. In this way, he is trying to convey to you how difficult it is for him, so that you are imbued with respect and admiration for him. This means that he does not receive enough of it, and he feels underestimated.

It is useless here to recommend him to change jobs. It's even worse to get a job yourself. Turning on austerity and giving up things for yourself won't help either. So he will understand that he can groan - and work much less. It turns out that a woman, instead of setting a new bar in front of a man and giving him strength and inspiration for accomplishment, puts him on the sofa and invites him to relax. And a man degrades without achievements.

Better give him the return he wants - real support. Arrange small and large parties with a cake and even possibly with guests in honor of his next successful project, salary or raise. Remember what is happening at his work, ask about his successes, ask specific questions, showing interest in his achievements and your presence in his life.

Find positive qualities in your children with him and say: "Our son is smart and brave - all in daddy", "Our daughter always gets her way, all in daddy." Teach children to appreciate his contribution to the family: "Your dad bought it all, now we will have something to feast on for a whole week, go kiss him, he is such a hero with us!" Tell your mom or girlfriend on the phone so that your husband can hear what a fine fellow he is: he earns so much that you can not work at all if you don’t want to, and in general will soon take you on vacation. Pure gold, not a husband!

Now you know exactly how to wean your loved one from whining. Of course, if your man is a chronic whiner and it is in his nature to look for reasons for complaints, then it is better to contact a specialist together, and if this does not help, run away from such a person. Otherwise, he will suck all the juices out of you with his whining. Have you ever met such people?

Otherwise, look for the reason for this male behavior. There are reasons for everything, and it is important to understand why he became like that. Maybe you are playing a "man", then you should learn femininity. Either you behave like a mommy, or you don’t understand each other with him and don’t want to solve your common problems, or ... There may be many options, each has its own situation. If you do not eliminate the cause, then, getting rid of the whining, you will get other problems in the relationship, maybe more serious. Do not let your life take its course, look for a real way out, with my help or on your own - it's up to you. And in any case, I wish your couple happiness and prosperity!

In pursuit - male opinion to this problem. Practical and humorous :)